She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
