Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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