Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
