Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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