I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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