It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
