dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
