Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
