the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
