Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
