I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it because I queefed?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
