Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
