I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
