So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
