I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
