Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
