Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
