I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
