Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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