i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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