Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
