i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think people are normalizing furries
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