O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
