Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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