just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
