Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
