She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
