Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
