I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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