Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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