TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
