just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
