I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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