At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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