i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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