I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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