I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
