It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
