You're so nebulous sometimes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
