Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
