I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
