Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
