You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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