I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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