I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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