9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
