I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
