don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
