i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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