Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
