I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
