my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
