let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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