I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
