I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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